Working out isn’t all about going to the gym.

Working out isn’t all about going to the gym. This is something that I still continue to struggle with.  During my eating disorder, working out was my enemy. It was no longer something that I enjoyed doing. Although I tricked myself and others into thinking that it was, the truth was that it was not. Rather it was something that I felt that I had to do and something that was slowly killing me. Even on days when I had no energy, I forced myself to spend hours at the gym. The idea that I had to completely stop working out completely terrified me. Despite having lost a lot of weight already, I was terrified to stop.

This is something that I still continue to struggle with.  During my eating disorder, working out was my enemy. It was no longer something that I enjoyed doing. Although I tricked myself and others into thinking that it was, the truth was that it was not. Rather it was something that I felt that I had to do and something that was slowly killing me. Even on days when I had no energy, I forced myself to spend hours at the gym. I remember being sick and still forcing myself to go to the gym. Despite having lost a lot of weight already, I was terrified to stop. I didn’t know how to stop. The idea of not going to the gym sounded foreign to me.

Find your form of movement.

I took a lot of walks at the beginning of my recovery journey. This helped me clear my mind and reflect on the day that I had just had. Although at the start I abused this and used walking as my form of “working out”, I slowly felt the power of it. It taught me that “working out” doesn’t have to be going to the gym. If you enjoy going on walks with your dog, go do that! If you enjoy biking, go do that! If you enjoy just walking around the mall, you do you!!!!!!! Have a form of movement that you enjoy and look forward to doing.

Life is not all about working out.

To this day this is still something that I struggle with. There are days where I feel my old thoughts and behaviours coming through. And it’s hard to not act upon them. I’m working on mending the relationship that I have with my body. I am still teaching myself that I don’t have to “work out” every day.

I was so known as the girl who went to the gym. People still ask me if I still go to the gym. What is the answer? Yes? No? Maybe? Although I try to not let it bother me, it sometimes does. It triggers my thoughts and reminds me of what I used to be. Although it’s not a place that I want to go back to, I still think about it at times.

Life is not all about working out. It used to be and it completely consumed my life. As crazy as it may sound, you don’t have to go to the gym. Find your movement, find something that you love.

Photo by Sebastian Staines on Unsplash

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