You are sitting in yet another lecture half listening and half not when you hear the words.
“Get into groups and discuss…”
Your heart feels like it is reaching out of your body as it beats faster and faster. You are completely terrified. Not the kind of terrified you get when you see a spider in your room but the kind that consumes you whole. Your mind is brimming with the intrusive thoughts you know all too well.
“Everyone else has friends so I shouldn’t intrude”.
“I’m probably annoying people by asking to be in their groups”.
“No one wants me to be in their group”.
“I’m not smart enough to be here”.
“I shouldn’t be a bother”.
You then stare back down at your laptop pretending to unbothered by the lack of group that you are in. Clicking random sites, typing random words, and reading random articles, you pretend to be busy. Being in front of your laptop screen gives you comfort. You feel a sense of safety behind your shield. It shields you in your real life and online.
In reality, you yearn to have the ability to interact with strangers.
You want to be able to talk to someone new at any given moment. You want to hear about the guy on the train’s trip to India or the funny thing that happened to the barista last week.
But you just can’t.
But you will learn to overcome your anxiety.
You are determined to become the badass that you know you are.