Making the decision to embark on my journey to recovery was one that was extremely difficult. You might ask why it’s so hard if it’s something that I so desperately yearned for?
Truth is, your eating disorder is clever. It tricks you into believing that you have no one else but it. It pushes you to restrict, binge, calorie count, and so much more. It takes over your life from the second you wake up to second you fall asleep.
Your eating disorder abuses you both mentally and physically. At the end of the day, it might just be easier to just give in than to fight back.
So why fight back?
Having an eating disorder is like having another being inside of you. You no longer have control over the simple tasks in your life. Whether it be eating related or not, you simply feel as if you don’t have a say in your life any longer. What many people don’t understand is that eating disorders don’t just simply go away if you change your mindset.
My first step to recovery wasn’t beginning recovery but was hitting my lowest low. I found myself at a point that in ways I felt was no longer livable. My ed put me in is a state of sadness and isolation. I was drowning. Despite knowing that giving into my ED was the easier choice, I knew that in order to actually live my life I had to stand up to it. But just going up against your ED is easier said than done. While recovery is the right step to follow, the truth is recovery is also brutal. It will take everything out of you but I knew that I would come out of it stronger than ever.
I had to let go of my safety, my enemy.
This choice is the best choice that I could’ve ever made.